So anyhow, I immediately called my doctor and made an appointment because who doesn't like to feel cold surgical instruments up their va jay jay while chit chatting about the weather and about the best place to eat crawfish.. No?

Then a few days later while shopping at Rouses with Emmylou I get a phone call from the doctor's office. I answer and I hear my doctor's voice. My heart sank because it is never a good sign when the doctor calls and not the nurse.

He explained to me that my pap smear had shown abnormal cells which wasn't a big deal but that I had also tested positive for the HPV virus, which at least I was already aware of. However, he explained that I had one of the strains of HPV that carries a high risk for cervical cancer.

Of course.

I've never won a damn game of BINGO in my life, but THIS...this I win.

So standing there in the bread isle at Rouses, the doctor assured me that this was a very common thing and that I should not panic but he suggested he do a colposcopy (not colonoscopy) to see what the cervix was looking like and take a biopsy of the abnormal cell areas.

So that's what he did....and then we waited.

Waiting for a Type A control freak like myself is probably one of the hardest things to do. There is nothing settling about facing the fact that you are indeed not invincible...that ultimately you have no way of manipulating an outcome...that what will be will in fact BE.

So a few days later the doctor calls and tells me there is a presence of moderate to severe dysplasia..which is a fancy way of saying weird cells that may or may not develop into cancer. He drew me a chart...because I am a visual person...half the time I'm not listening to a word you're saying...and my husband can attest to that.

So here it is. Normal being the top of the ladder and cancer being at the bottom.

I would have rather had him tell me it was just inflammation, but avoiding the word cancer was just as good to me.

He then suggested we nip this thing in the bud and do something called a LEEP procedure which basically consists of cutting out the abnormal areas...like a warm knife through butter as my doctor explained it.

This was a week and a half before the marathon.

Luckily he assured me that the chances of something developing in that short amount of time was rare and that I could go ahead and run the marathon and schedule the procedure for after....2 days after that is.

So two days after the self-inflicted pain of a marathon I was wheeled into surgery for the LEEP procedure.

The surgery itself only took about 15 minutes and went well.

In recovery I could hear the hustle and bustle of the other patients who were getting their shit together, talking to their spouses, getting ready to go back to work....but I just lay there and lay there and lay there...till I couldn't hear anything other than the nurse popping her head in once in a while to ask my husband if I was ok.

I EVENTUALLY decided it was time to get my ass out of there...and then straight home to my bed.

The next morning I was all like, “Hey boo...so um..I know I stayed longer then the 45 minutes allotted time for recovery, but how long did I stay exactly?”

And he politely and tactfully answered, “Well, your surgery was at 12:15 and was done by 12:30..and we left the hospital a little after 3:30...so I guess you were in recovery for about 3 hours.”

Ha!

The nurses were probably like, “DAMN, where does she think she is the Holiday Inn!”

My body just needed a little R&R I suppose:-)

We'll know in more detail what the cells look like after pathology looks at them. Hopefully the abnormal cells will not come back! In the meantime I'll have to get a pap smear every 3 months to monitor the cervix.

ANYWAY!

The reason I am sharing all this with you is not just to hear myself talk (although I do enjoy that quite a bit) and draw attention to myself (although I also enjoy that quite a bit), but is primarily to emphasize the importance of PAP SMEARS.

I know, I know it's uncomfortable and annoying and I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing, but it really could potentially save you from much more uncomfortable and annoying situations.

So....DO IT...MAKE THAT APPOINTMENT!

Ok, enough of that!

Fiew!....marathon...surgery...now all I want to do is lay down, eat a Twix bar and find out if Tamra and Gretchen have pulled each-others extensions out yet.

When life throws you a curve ball, just HIT IT!